Oh blimey, where do I start?
Well, my name's Christine, I'm 14, and have Selective Mutism. I've had it ever since I was 3 years old and have always been "painfully quiet" at school. I didn't know I had it until me and my mum watched a TV programme about it. Last year, I just wanted to keep it quiet and I didn't want to talk about it because I was really embarassed. But now, I want to get rid of it and I'm currently getting help from phsycologists (sorry, I can't spell!) and Doctors.
Me and my mum reserached the symptoms of SM on the net and we were shocked when we learned that I had nearly every symptom going. I can't talk to: any of my uncles, my aunty, my sister's boyfriend or my brother's girlfriend. It used to drive my family insane. But now that they know about the condition, they understand me more and I'm a lot more happier about that. I can't go to school at the moment because I'm too scared and anxious to go. I haven't been since my year 9 exams because I kept getting too stressed and kept getting frustrated everytime I tried to do an exam. I was doing so well at secondary school during the first two years (year 7 and 8) but during year 9 my best friend, who's been my best and only friend, Laura, since nursery, told me one day, that she didn't want to be my friend and hang round with me anymore. Before that, I was just hanging round with her and her friends like normal until the new girl from one of our classes came up to her and had a private word with her. The new girl, Sharon I think they call her, doesn't like me much and she kept trying to take Laura off me and kept calling me names. After Laura had that private conversation with her, Laura came up to me and said " Sorry Christine but I really don't want to be your friend anymore and I don't want you to hang round with us" I was so shocked. I remember walking away from her and going to my art lesson early. I couldn't concentrate in art so I just gave up trying to do my work. The teacher came over to me and I just burst out crying. She took me outside and told me to tell her what was wrong. After I told her everything, also that Laura was my only friend, she told me that she'd sort everything out. She tried, and Laura apoligized to me and we became friends again. But the next day, in maths, she went off with her new friends that she'd made and they'd started bullying me because I'm quiet. After that day, I went home and I told my mum everything and that I couldn't cope anymore. I didn't go to school the next day. Or the next. Or the next. And finally, I stopped going to school altogether.
After that, I've gotten worse. My selective Mutism has gotten worse. I can't go out anymore because I feel faint around crowds of people in shops. And I can't go to the town because I'm really scared of bumping into people from my school. I used to love going horse riding with my sister but I had to stop going because she and my brother have moved to Leicester. I feel so depressed and I'm finding it hard to tell my mum about how i feel about not going riding anymore. I'm so lonely and isolated and I feel like no one is helping me especially because it's taking absolute AGES for me to get diagnosed with SM. My poor mum keeps blaming herself for not knowing what was wrong with me when I was younger because she told me that she's always known there was something wrong.
But of course, the dozy teachers just put it down to shyness which really peeves me off. I always feel that no one understands.
Hopefully one day, I will get rid of SM altogether and finally live the life I've always wanted to live. Without bullies and people walking all over me. I feel really glad that there's some other teenagers out there that are going through the same thing and I'm really really really glad that this is a Selective Mutism support forum. It really does help me. And if and when I get rid of Selective Mutism, I will give my thanks to this forum. I'm really grateful. Thanks Rob!
Hugs!