Hi everyone.
I'm fairly new to the group. Live in Northern NSW, Australia.
Thanks to everyone for posting so many stories and much information.... its sometimes uncanny to read others stories... when they read so much like my own!

My daughter is almost 7... she was officially diagnosed with SM at almost 5, although I know now that the symptoms presented themselves pretty much her whole life...

She is approaching the end of her 2nd year at school, and although we have had some improvement in confidence, she is still stuck pretty fast on not talking at school. She whispers sometimes to a couple of kids... and she does talk on playdates when they are at our house.

She quite often says she is 'going to talk next week', or talk to a certain person only, or 'tomorrow'... I really think her want to talk is right up there now... she is just so worried about the reaction from the other kids.... when she talks on playdates she is terrified the friend will tell all the other kids when they get back to school... which ofcourse they do, because they are so excited that she spoke to them!

Its really interesting to read some of the little 'quirks' that some of the kids have.... for instance the slow to potty train and clothing issues etc...
My daughter eventually did 'wee' on the potty/toilet at about 3 and a half... however, we had real issues with poo for a long long time.... I would use a night nappy on her for the 'just in case situation', and she would wait until that went on... and then poo.... no matter how many times we asked her to go before we put on the nappy... she just wouldnt!
Now we never realised that this was possibly some kind of trait related to selective mutism... is there any official word on this?????!!!!
She eventually conquered the poo thing by us calling her bluff... no night nappies..... she held and held on for days literally... it seems to cruel now... she was very uncomfortable.... anyways... after about 4 days daddy went to pick her up from preschool and couldnt find her.... asked the teachers where she was and they said 'in the loo, doing a poo' and he was 'yeah right'... anyway, there she was....
and from that moment on she never had an issue again.... it was like 'well I've done it now... may as well carry on'...
She also has some issues with tags in clothing... tho not to a really major extent...
I would be interested to know about whether these types of things are related to SM.... We never really did get it explained to us whether there were other behavioural traits that went along with it... the psychologist just read us the official diagnosis from a big fat mental health book and never went into too much else about it... I guess all we supposedly needed to know was that she wasnt talking .....

Does anybody else have problems with defiance and/or not listening (or is this just typical almost-7yr old attitude/selective 'hearing'??).
What about overreacting to little things? Like when its time to come home from playing.. she quite often screams and cries as soon as we tell her to say goodbye
She also acts quite immature at times (tho this could be as she isnt as socialised as other kids from the not talking)
She also has some little fixations on silly things... like tiny cuts or scrapes or bruises... we always need bandaids, even tho there is no blood
If she watches a scary scene in a movie... she might go on about it for days, even tho its Sleeping Beauty in cartoon format and we have gone over and over and over it that it isnt real... they are just characters and drawings....
We also have eating issues... she is pretty skinny, tho does suffer from enlarged tonsils (which docs wont remove)... but her lunch quite often comes home uneaten from school and I wonder if she doesnt like people seeing her eat as well.... she takes a long time with lunch
She is also very unorganised and untidy!

Maybe I am just describing a typical naughty 7 yr old...?? Tho I am really interested if anyone else notices any little weird things that might be due to the SM????

She has really blossomed in the last year or so, all our friends/family have noticed a big improvement in her confidence and also talking to them, when previously she would not.... at home she is happy, pretty hypo, chatty, giggly, bossy.... she talks to kids who dont attend her school....

I feel a bit on the outer here in Oz with this... there is just zero awareness and not much information .....
I just worry about her continuing to suffer with this as she gets older... the kids are for the most part accepting at the moment... but I know it probably wont be the case as they grow.... kids can be so cruel these days and I worry about her getting teased or singled out...

Anyway, would love to hear from other parents and carers on their experiences and any advice will be greatly received
If I can be of help to anyone too, please ask, it just helps to talk dont you think? Sometimes we can feel very alone with this...
cant imagine how my daughter must feel

a lot of the symptoms you describe are familiar to most of us.... and we ,I think, have come to the consensus that they are anxiety related, and are mostly used as coping mechanisms.... however i would suggest some research into sensory processing issues.... there is a post somewhere on the site in which i go into more detail.... "bad" behaviours, i find in our case are either due to fear of something, or ( and this one is as hard to admit as it might be to swallow ) that because of his issues , I have been a little more lax on him than I was on my others, and he is used to me accomodating his needs.... and has come to expect it!!! I don't regret giving him the "extras" that he required (requires) , these are things he needs to get through the day, however, if i had to do it again, i might have drawn a thinner line

I agree that what you are experiencing with your 7 year old SM daughter is very much the same as what we are experiencing with our 7 year old SM daughter. I had to laugh about the bandaids. Our daughter obviously is very sensitive to cuts as well. When we cut her nails, she has to put a bandaid on the end of each finger. It gets pretty expensive on Bandaids. She is doing better now. I give her the nail cutters and she cuts her own nails and she doesn't have to wear bandaids. For the longest time, we couldn't even brush our daughter's hair. She would scream like we were pulling each hair follicle one at a time.
I have been reading up more on medication as I am feeling that something has to change before the problem goes on for too long. From what I read, it's better to medicate them early (K-grade 1) than wait too long. The longer you wait to treat them, the longer it will take for the medication to work, if at all work. I feel like our daughter is missing out on her childhood. After all, our children spend a good part of their time at school. I want to know more about the medication. I also have so many questions about the long term effects and will they need to be medicated for the rest of their life. I'm having anxiety just thinking about it.

oh my goodness i can't believe what you have written finally someone who understands my world with my daughter. I am close to Newcastle NSW and am struggling with my daughter as not many people including myself are educated in this field and i find it a real struggle with her schooling as this is not my Haylee, when she is at home if anything she is overconfident i always said oh i won't have to worry about her at school. But i did have to and still do as her world shuts down as soon as she leaves the house and has to attend the social community. Many people don't understand and think she is ignorant or talks like a baby(that's my extended family) but it's not that it is that she is so shy to talk that when they make her she answers in a baby tone and then gets shot down for it. How can i educate them that this is not ignorance and they are feeding her fear by treating her and demeaning her like this. If anyone could please HELP i'd much appreciate it as i don't know what to do.
Thanks for your time,
from a mum who cares

Educating people about SM is the problem. For the most part, people do not know about SM because there isn't very much awareness about it. Basically, the only people that know about SM are the people that need to know about it. Parents of SM children, Doctors, Psychologists and Teachers. There have been a few stories in the media, including stories by Time magazine and ABC News. Yet the media does not mention it enough, except when something negative happens like the Virginia Tech Shootings. It is hard for people outside the immediate family to really understand what SM is and what it entails. There is a pamphlet in the Files section of this forum that you could download and print off for people to read. It is easier to gather all of the relevant information about SM and present it to people in a half page or less (you could just google "characteristics of Selective Mutism and print it for your family and friends).

I, along with another forum member (nathalieann) held our first annual Awareness Walk for Selective Mutism this past October. The Newspaper printed a story about my daughter as well. I friend of mine who works within the School system said that she heard Teachers talking about the story and one of them thought that one of her Students might have SM. I takes some time and support, and it is especially helpful when there is another person in your area that you can talk to that also has a child with SM (again, thank you nathalieann).

People need to understand one thing. The children who suffer from Selective Mutism have one condition that is at the root of the problem, it is social anxiety. Perhaps that is the best way to explain things because everyone knows about anxiety. It just so happens that our children are so afraid to speak in certain situations that they are unable to utter a word. You mentioned that sometimes when your daughter speaks she uses a baby voice. My daughter sometimes does and says things that you would expect from a baby. We have a 3 month old baby in the house and our SM daughter said that she would like to have her pacifier again... she hasn't had it since she was around 2 years old. I really think that she would use it to if we said go ahead. She likes to think of herself as a baby at times. I wonder is anyone else has observed this in their children.

Hi everyone,
just wanted to say thanks everyone for their replies to my post last year.
I havent been on the site for a little while and it was nice to read your responses!

Has anyone had progress?

My daughter just went back to school after the summer hols yesterday.... so early days.. but I am really going to get onto the school this year about having a better plan of action and a proper 'team' consisting of the school counsellor, our psychologist and the teacher (of which we dont know who she/he is yet, as they dont allocate the classes in the first week, can you believe it!!!).

I ran into the counsellor yesterday and he seems pretty keen to get going this year too.... I think we all thought it might be over by now!

Just wanted to comment on nathalieann's response regarding her daughter and the hair brushing.... O.M.G!!! I hear you girl!!!! Crikey, I thought I was the ONLY evil-hairbrushing mum to be going thru this.... Asha screams... like.... howls and goes absolutely crazy at the slightest tug or knot.... it really is over the top and quite bizarre... I can be so gentle and she will make a mountain out of a molehill and go ballistic over the tiniest thing.... !!!
weird!

Anyways, thanks everyone and I will try and logon more frequently to check the forum!

ashasmum

We had our daughter's Psychologist, Teacher's, Principal, School Speech Pathologist and Resource worker meet at the beginning of the School year. Things have been better this year. The School actually sent a form for us to fill out and we had to select how much (if at all) she would talk to different people. It was sort of a multiple choice type test ie. Does youe child talk in front of strangers in your home? Choices would be: never, sometimes or all of the time. Similar forms are in the book "Helping your Child with Selective Mutism".

It is nice to hear from you again. My daughter went through the hair brushing issue as well. At one time I was the only one allowed to brush her hair because I was super gentle, perhaps because I never had long hair. Eventually she would run away from us with her hands on her head and it became impossible. She is pretty good about hair brushing now, I don't know how it changed but we are not complaining.

Good news for Asha this year... we found out on Friday that she got the teacher she really wanted.... so I am hoping this will be the start of something good...
I had a quick chat with the teacher on Friday arvo, and she seems pretty enthusiastic...

We will be having that first meeting very soon and I am going in pretty strong with some ideas that I want them to try and start doing.... and keep doing... our problem last year was that things weren't kept consistent. I have a feeling Asha might talk to this lady given a little time.... I really feel she will.... fingers crossed xxxxx

It really helps in your Child likes the Teacher. My Daughter loves School and I have the great Teachers to thank for that Please keep us posted.