the one person who i want to hear speak the most...can't.... everyone else can't shut -up!!!

I always pressured our daughter to talk at school. I then learned that you have to stop pushing the issue. The first thing I would say when she came off the bus is: 'Did you talk today?'. I didn't realize that I was putting pressure on her to talk and that pressure only makes them shut down even more because they are feeling more anxious. I'll share something with you that really opened my eyes. The first and only time that Julie ever saw the Child Psych., I was amazed at the approach she used to make Julie open up to her. She sat down beside our daughter and introduced herself... something like... Hi! My name is... and I'm a very shy person. When I have to talk with people I don't know, it makes me feel uneasy and my belly even hurts. I thought this was an awesome approach because she was making Julie feel good about herself. She was acknowlegding her fear. This approach really worked because our SM daughter opened up to her like she was a family member. She laughed and we looked at pictures that Julie had done at school and Julie got to explain what she had drawn and why she chose to draw that. I still see the Child Psych. but I don't bring Julie with me. I'm the one who does the therapy because I was told that a SM should not even be made aware that anything is wrong with him/her... again, this adds on to their anxiety.
I know it's very frustrating at times but with time, all these little tips will help. I was always told that the progress they make it measure like 'baby steps'. It takes time and you may only see small progress but all those little steps will build up to your child speaking.

sometimes its hard to get even close family members to understand... I guess especially the 'old school' adults...
when we first thought my daughter might have selective mutism, almost everyone laughed it off and said not to be silly.... she's just shy, she'll grow out of it.

even before we were eventually officiallly diagnosed, I knew that SM was what she had... I read about it on the internet and it was eery how almost every profile was her....

its still hard to get the family to understand completely.... they still try and coax or bribe her into talking... thinking they that hold the miracle cure... bless them, they mean well mostly, but they really dont know how deep this disorder cuts.

we are lucky that she has really come out of her shell in about the past year at home in relation to family and friends.... we are still at a brick wall at school... but at least now all the family get to see this funny, happy, beautiful, chatty, intelligent little thing, being herself at home without a care in the world.

I was wondering what other people say when people approach their kids and expect them to talk... ie., people who dont know that the child has SM? If people talk to my daughter at the shops or eating out for example... and they just get this blank stare back.... I guess they assume she is shy or rude.... and we usually answer for her and say 'she's shy, doesnt say much' but I wondered if there was a way to overcome that awkwardness, without having to give our life story and explain the whole SM thing or write it off as just 'shyness'... we shouldnt have to justify ourselves to strangers...

If anyone understands where I'm coming from, would appreciate any ideas..
thanx

i think that is something we all struggle with.... my son signs, so if encouraged he will respond with sign language.... otherwise i just tell people that we don't talk to strangers!!!!

hehe... great response!

I will remember that one next time we get accosted by some well-meaning weirdo at the supermarket!

I always answer for my daughter and I know that this is not the thing to do but what else can you do? I'm not going to stay there for 5 minutes and wait for my daughter to answer because she won't. Depending on the situation, our SM daughter will sometime answer. Our daughter always talks to the waitresses in restaurants. I don't know why but she's always felt comfortable ordering in restaurants.